I Need Advise About Inlaws?
I’m not sure what to do. My husbands sister has recently invited the entire family to a family vacation that is to take place in less than 3 months. She knows that our financial situation is not great, as my husband has been laid off from work for more than 3 months. My husbands brother calls us on behalf of the family the other night and says the vacation has been planned (we never got to discuss anything) and wants to know if we want to go. The location was decided, the dates were confirmed, and the hotel spot was all discussed and chosen and then we were called to see if we could go. Guess they had a little pow wow without us. The really interesting part about this invite, is that we only had 46 hours to decide if we wanted to go.
For whatever reason, they had decided that they needed to book the hotel right away. And all of this was supposedly planned at the last moment. The dates of the vacation had been scheduled around my husbands sisters husbands work schedule. Apparently, the family believes that his work schedule takes precedence over the rest of the families. My husband is our families only source on income and because he is laid off during the winter, he does not get any paid vacation time. This trip that would cost everyone else $1500-3000, would cost us a minimum of $ 5000 as we would have to save for the vacation, the time missed, and all of our medical insurance expenses for that week.
Needless to say, we declined their offer to take a family trip. This has really hurt my husband and our children. We would like to take a trip with the family if we had a minimum of 6 months notice and a valid say in where, when, what….
How do you explain to children that some cousins get to go on a family trip but yet they do not? The really messed up part about this situation, is that I specifically told my husbands sister, mother, and brothers wife that we needed at least 6 months notice to plan a family vacation over 9 months ago. So while I believe that this was done purposefully so that we could not attend the family vacation, my husband chose to explain everything nicely to his family. They still elected to book the vacation even though they knew that he was upset and hurt. I’m really disappointed in my mother and father in law, that they didn’t have enough courtesy to say why don’t we sit down and discuss this as a whole family and then make plans to go on a trip that can include everyone. We don’t treat complete strangers with such lack of respect! My husband is to NICE to tell his family how selfish and inconsiderate that they are. I’m NOT!
So is it childish of me to cancel the Easter egg hunt and cook out we have planned at our home? I don’t think that I can be around them right now without letting them all have it. Any ideas on how to deal with his family in the future?
This is very simple to answer… first off WHY would you want to spend time with people like this – regardless of whether or not they are family. I would take the family on a vacation that we would enjoy as a whole family – not something that costs money and you would not enjoy.
People say you can pick your friends but not your family – but you can pick whether or not you would spend time with them. I had in-law problems in the beginning, but after we went and did our own thing for a number of years (and enjoyed ourselves immensly), they figured out that they were missing out – not us.
DO NOT waste your time or efforts on people who do things like that … life is too short.
Enjoy your own life.
This sounds a little like my family. And we elected not to do the family trip either. But then, every family reunion we have turns into a huge drama-fest, so we felt we didn’t miss much.
I’d keep the Easter plans, if it’s something that you normally do. Be gracious and keep the moral highground.
I don’t agree with what they did, but maybe they really did understand your situation and knew you couldn’t come. I wouldn’t be too harsh with them, you can’t change your in-laws or other family members. They were rude, but you have to be the bigger person. Family vacations usually aren’t extended family vacations. Explain to your kids that you will take a vacation when you can. If you really can’t be around them, make up an excuse to cancel on them, but know it won’t change the problem. Give it some time, and maybe when you can afford a vacation, bring up the subject again and let everyone know how it hurt you, your husband, and your kids. It really would help to have your hubby stand up for himself and not be so nice. Sorry you have to deal with this.
Well Samoh 1 up there summed things up nicely, All I can add is it is always better to be the bigger person, it gets under people’s skin so nicely…….
So be bigger, have the Easter Egg hunt and cook out, after all it would be mostly for the kids right? Don’t punish the kids for something their selfish parents did.
I am guessing you have said your piece to your husband about how you feel about his family and what they did to you. But somehow you have to let it go. I know, I know, easier said than done but I can guarantee you, all the people who planned this vacation are not the ones sitting home brooding about it, they probably could care less what you are feeling right now( selfish people are like that) So stop stressing yourself out over it, your reasons for being angry and upset are all valid, but right now you should focus on your immediate family, husband and kids.
Wishing you the best on the work front
First of all, I’m sorry to hear about your husband being laid off. My husband as well is laid off for a while. The thing is there some situations that you can’t get out of. What ever you do don’t get into any arguments with in-laws because it’s a never ending battle and besides it’s not good for the entier family. Stick with you and your husbands decision always stay calm when you disagree with an in-law. It works for me. Sometimes it’s best to hold back when you’re so angry about something that serious. And always remember that you, your husband and your children are your main family and no one even in-laws can’t change that. Tell your children that you’ve planned something real special for them even if it’s a picnic or even a BBQ at the park as long as your together. I hope all this made sence and helped you with your question. Good luck! Hope you and your little ones have a wonderful Easter egg hunt and hopefully your plans will work out next year.
Bring your enemies even closer.
u need to impress him/her.do some things that she will see that ur a very good daughter in law..
Take a deep breathe and calm down. You can’t change other people, you can only change yourself. Bad behavior on their part never justifies bad behavior on your part! Remember, the Bible says being kind to your enemies is like pouring hot coals on their heads.
I’m sorry you’ve been excluded so thoughtlessly. Start saving now for next years family vacation so you won’t find yourself ever in this situation again. Maybe be proactive about planning it next year, so its someplace that fits your budget.
Above all, allow hubby to say any negatives to his family…if he won’t then you need to abide by his wishes, after all, they are his family.